Why We Don't Teach Our Boys to "Share"

 “Thou shalt not steal.”
Exodus 20:15

Before stirring up a whirlwind of consternation I suppose I need to qualify the title of this post. For that qualification I first must stress that we want our boys to grow up to be men who respect the possessions of others and who are generous with their own. The goal is that our children mature to be Capitalists and not Socialists. With that said the rest of what follows will fill in the details.

I hear it all the time from parents and I know this mantra is a habit passed on from generation to generation but we do not teach our boys under pressure that they need to share. Desiring that your children be generous is not what we see as a problem, we share that mutual desire with all parents. But to a little boy who has his own toys and clothes we want him to learn ownership and respect ownership. This means respecting what he himself owns and what others own. We do not want the line blurred. If we insist on “you need to share” then ownership is fuzzy to a little mind. These little minds get big and instead of a parent saying “you need to share your toys” it’s a catechized adult saying “you need to share your money.”

“Thou shalt not covet”
Exodus 20:17

Forcing the teaching of “you need to share” motivates covetousness. Stay with me. When two little ones are having it out over that army truck with the cool gun sounds it is the owner of said vehicle that gets told “you need to share.” What doesn’t often get addressed is the other child, the one initially in the wrong. Pressuring the owner to hand over his toy only justifies the demand from the other child. The angry child feels satisfied that his demand was met in that he ended up with the toy and the other child now feels sad or upset because he had to share. Sharing=sadness, greed=happiness. Sorry, we’re not raising socialists here, that’s not how we do it in this house. As stated above, it doesn’t end here. Once these catechumens have been confirmed in their indoctrination they don’t just mystically leave behind what they were trained up in. No, they become like their teacher.

"The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master."
Luke 6:40

A little leaven leavens the whole lump. Growing up to adulthood with this thinking only breeds more things to 'share'. Remember, the cycle is: I see-I want-I demand-I get-I’m happy. The corollary is: Someone sees-they desire-they demand-I give-I’m sad. So it is that these adults are most happy when they receive. When giving is achieved by coercion it is no longer giving, it is confiscation. Welcome in Bernie Sanders. Welcome in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Is it any wonder why the younger generations are finding their teachings attractive? Anymore, I laugh when I hear an older person saying, "I don’t know what’s wrong with this younger generation. That’s not how it was when I grew up.” A little leaven leavens the whole lump. Who exactly brought up this young generation? They didn’t just spawn from the ground. They are doing what they were trained to do. They are becoming like their teachers They’re just being a bit more consistent.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

So let’s replay that scenario above with the two boys. Let’s keep in mind that Timmy is the rightful owner of the army truck, he got it as a birthday present. Billy has been playing with one of the household toys—those communal toys that belong to mommy and daddy and are for everyone—but he has his eyes set on Timmy’s truck. Billy sees the truck set down for a moment and grabs it. Timmy turns to see his beloved truck is now firing shots at a blazing speed down the hallway. Tears come flowing and he runs to momma for her to intervene. What’s a parent to do? We seek to obey the whole council of God, this means the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. After gathering the two boys to tell their sides, considering yourself as a witness, there needs to be Biblical justice. 

Taking a deep breath and kneeling between the boys mom looks to Billy and says, “Is that Timmy’s toy?”
Billy, looking up to his mother with his head down brusquely says, “Yes.”
With tilted head and raised eyebrows, mom asks, “Did you take it from him?”
Now with his head up and in a defensive posture Billy says, “Yeah, but he wasn’t playing with it.”
In reaffirming tone mom says, “Son, it’s his toy.” Turning to Timmy sitting on her feet with her hands on her knees she asks, “Did you let him play with it?”
In frantic pace Timmy responds, “I set it down and was gonna get my guy and put him in it to fight the bad guys and then Billy just took it and runned away.” More tears.
With great compassion in her eyes mom tells Timmy, “Son, Billy is more important than your truck. Did you ask him to give it back?"
“No, I just want you to get it from him” he says as he points to the truck with curled chin.
Gently holding onto his shoulders she tells him, “Son, you need to talk to your brother first and if you can’t resolve it then you get mommy or daddy. Okay?"
“Okay,” he says in a sigh.
Turning to Billy with firmness mom says, “Billy, that is Timmy’s truck and you need to give it back to him. God does not want us to just take things if we want them.”
“But I don’t have a truck” he says with furrowed brow.
Reasserting herself, mom responds, “That doesn’t mean you can just take your brother’s truck. It’s his. You need to respect your brother’s toys.”
Relinquishing his defense Billy says, “Okay.”
The toy is returned, apology is made, forgiveness is granted, playing resumes.

We could play out a thousand different ways such a case would go but the principles will not change. We affirm ownership, we do not support theft and avarice, and in all this we apply the Biblical method of settling disputes. By this they also are learning a respect for governing authorities to handle disputes that cannot be resolved between the two parties. Both children in this scenario have a clear conception of ownership and boundaries. Both are growing up to know that people are more important than their own possessions. They are learning that use of force is no way to get what you desire and such action will result in disciplinary measures.  Sharing is encouraged to be done voluntarily. In this case the one who was wronged ends up receiving justice and the one who did the wrong is disciplined. Because they are little and learning the basics we don’t make Billy return the truck with another of his own but the principles of ownership and respect are being instilled in them. More could be clarified, more could be said, but I do hope you see why it is so important to teach children property rights. If you don’t want them growing up looking to the Bernie Sanders’ and Ocasio-Cortez’s you need to train them up in the Lord. Covetousness is a serious sin and we must treat it as sin. We want children to see their neighbor’s animal and help it not to see it and demand it be theirs.

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Proverbs 22:15